CJs Daddy

What’s a Mother?

I’m not even going to look up the dictionary definition, because I know a Mother when I see one.  And I’ve seen plenty - so I’m as close as a man will ever come to being an expert.

There are many kinds of Mother’s. Like most people, I’ve had lots of people mother me in my life - everyone from Aunts, to family friends, and even my sisters when I was very young since they are - um well, um - half a generation older and wise beyond my years.  And of course, my Granny has always been my Granny - an “Grand” mother.

My mom and I were very close.  We are very close.  I think about her explicitly every day, and somehow she always seems to be on my mind.  I’m not exactly in the mood to recap a bunch of memories, so I’ll just move on with my point.  When she passed away (me having just turned 14), lots of women become my mother.   My sisters as much as they could even as they raised my nephews.  Many of my friends mothers made a point to send some motherly love my way, particularly my best friend and girl friend’s mothers. These were women who were not obligated and certainly never tried to replace my mom, but nevertheless allowed me to be a teenager alongside their kids as I struggled with my loss, and moved beyond it.

I truly believe that not for these women, I could very well have found the wrong path in life.  I don’t think any one of these amazing women identified me as a teen at risk and took it upon themselves to keep me on the straight and narrow, they just were mothers, plain and simple.  I’ve seen the same women be mothers to many other people, become mother-in-laws, and grandmothers since then.  It’s just who they are.  They care, the share, the love - they are mothers.  I always think about them on Mother’s Day.

Later, as I became an adult, my step-mom and also after my mother-in-law became my mothers in the truest sense of the word possible.  Note that I’m not saying “like” a mother, but simply a mother.  The loss of my Mother-in-Law and to some extent my Granny, left voids in my life.  My step-mom in particular, along with church mothers, and some friends mothers have all continued to be the mothers in my life - not filling the void so to speak, but just being someone’s mom, in some ways and at some times, mine.  It’s amazing how mothering just comes natural to some women.  I think about these women on Mother’s day as well.

As I’ve now spent some time as a Daddy to an amazing little girl, I cannot help but also revel at the mother’s she’s had in her life and how they have nurtured and loved her, who loved love her.  Her first mom, O, whom cared for her in her womb, so has experienced the joy of seeing her little face as soon as she was born, and made the most painful decision a woman could ever make.  It’s hard not to think of pain when I think of O, but given the obvious circumstances, I don’t know what her state of mind might be.  I pray she has some joy in her life.  I pray that I can meet her some day, and that Carmen can come to know her as well.

Carmen’s foster mama, N, holds a special place in our family.  One of the most amazing mothers I’ve had the honor of meeting, raising four awesome kids, fostering children in need of a home.  While she experienced the joy of raising sweet CJ for almost a year, I know she endures the the pain of losing her as well.  Mama N has such a vibrant faith and outward compassion for children, I can’t wait to see her, her family, and her country again.

My wife has always been quite motherly as well.  She always, and I mean always places other’s comfort before her own.  She’ll wake up with cramped legs just because she doesn’t want to kick the cat off the bed.  She’d takes the time to make yeast rolls, real cranberry sauce, and two kinds of pie(with real pie crust), sugar cake, chocolate chip cookies, lemonade, fruit salad, brownies, and pound cake because she knows someone likes each one of those things.   She’ll stay up all night helping someone she just met to make a cake because she already cares about and loves that person.  She held a trash can for me to barf in after I had my wisdom teeth removed.  When she was working, she would prepare dinner and desert for her staff, along with the staff meeting agenda, and staff reviews even if they were all slacking off that month and didn’t deserve jack squat.

She’s always wanted to be a mommy, but she’s always been a mother to many people, even many years ago.

This weekend, I looked across the table at CJ’s Mommy and I saw the red-head warning her daughter not to throw noodles on the floor.  Tonight, I saw her coughing and watched CJ close her eyes, cover her mouth, and nod her head in response - mimicking almost exactly what she saw her mommy doing.  Later in the evening, while having a slightly rough moment, I saw CJ crawl accross the floor toward her mommy and shout - shout - mamamamamamamamama!!!!

Yup, I know a Mother when I see one.

Posted on May 12th, 2008 by CJs Daddy
Filed under: CJ, Fun, RH, Thoughts